Big fat joke ... I feel him slipping away now.

After his 2 weeks in Copenhagen,the hairline cracks in our 'relationship' have become more apparent. For how long more I can hold out, I can no longer say. I felt a selfish twinge, when he was told me he was having a good time. I feel like a hometown girl left behind, when her childhood sweetheart goes to seek his fortune in a big, slick city - never to return.

The slow,excruciating drift.Our conversation peppered with my 'You must have enjoyed yourself'forcing a smile across the telephone lines without trying to appear cold. He apologized for not being able to contact me a lot during the fortnight, because he didn't have a lot time to himself. I guess, even if I were busy - I would have made time for him. Miraculously, I still managed to squeeze out an 'It's okay, I understand.' I pause again, taking a deeper breath and go ' Anyway, I've been really busy too - so it doesn't matter.' Pulling one out of the hat too often. Give me a medal for keeping the ongoing small talk good.

Every time he calls, or I talk to him on MSN - he usually has to go bathe/eat/friends coming over ecetera. Before that discontent manifests itself in an overt flare of temper, I shut myself up good. I called him today

Sooner or later, the predictable plot will unfold.' Look, I don't think this is working out.'Boo-hoo.

Spare me please.

Maybe the a fortnight ago, before he left - I said that I simply blew things out of proportion, and so please forgive me. Was before the real test.Futility,futilty. Why did I even think we could beat the odds? When did Rationale decide to divorce moi? I guess, when I started having an affair with Illusion. To think this morning, I was looking up websites to see if I could do a short term stint in Netherlands, so I could be with him. I'm not sure if he even feels the same way to wholly support that.