I Judge Thee Not

My General Sentiment

Of course, I’ve gone past the whole idealized, almost smug-state of “ I don’t judge”. Growing up, you finally realize that if you don’t make judgements, you would be living as a dunce in a constant state of flux and indecision. Oh come on, you need to judge whether people are good for you, worth your time, trust and love. You need to judge the cords need to be severed with a particularly heinous person/entity. Its completely acceptable and necessary to pass judgement. Pre-judgement as well. So the word prejudice really isn’t that big a taboo. Judegement, prejudice is mostly fine as long as you’re able to be flexible enough to re-evaluate your judgement when contrary evidence comes to light. It’s the rigidity in any sense is what that should be censured. I’m also not above passing a casual, albeit callous judgements on people I don’t care for or know that well. Rotten maybe,er so effing what?

The Problem

So really, the dilemma surfaces when you’re in a situation where you have to try to resist judging those you care about and “Others”. The latter being a grey area which is a little more than complicated – when you don’t necessarily love or care much for them but feel some sort of obligation, urge albeit unnatural not to pass such quick or harsh judgement on them. See, today I had lunch with an aquaintance (P) – the use of the word friend is strong, and in here used lightly. I would call him an acquaintence of affinity for. Let me qualify, nothing in a sexual or romantic sense. I recognize some sort of myself in him, or maybe maybe 3 or 4 years ago where I was honest bold and a lot more forthright – and naïve. Yes, now I’m a deceitful lil bitch who delights in releasing her pandora’s box of mind-fuck games.Okay,okay - not quite, but I’m not the same person.

But I’m resisting trying to pass judgement on his character, since he has honestly told me so. Plus, I did say – nah, don’t worry I don’t judge ( It shot right out of my mouth automatically, didn’t have time to stop it), when he said now you think I’m a bad guy.

Here’s some background. P is from the States sent here to work. P is shagging 2 women here concurrently, excluding the girlfriend he has back home. We’re having a discussion on women, men and getting laid in Saigon.He’s already told the 2 girls his situation, so he’s honest, he says. He describe the first girl. Small, cute, no tits, great kisser. Dodgy. Because she’s able to fly to Singapore and stay at the Mandarin 2 weeks straight. We speculare that she’s an escort or kept woman. Girl 2. Decent girl, your built, maybe more meat, big ass – I like big asses. Great tits,bad kisser. His words.

He’s an open book, he says. Meaning he’s honest. Well he’s been up front to them – I respect that. Till I heard he had a girl back home. Still not fazed. Open relationship, I ask. No, I don’t know, maybe she does. I glad he’s honest with the 2 girls here. But I can’t help but feel irked that its on a don’t ask, don’t tell basis.

Just a side comment/side note but not the main suhject of this entry. My stand on cheating – I understand and won’t judge if the cheating was done when relationships were strained. But cheating because you can (repeatedly), it’s a different story.So to the above title, in this case it does not hold true. While I won’t treat him differently as a friend and person (used loosely), sure as hell glad that I’m not his significant other – and would always remain on my platonic list till the end of the universe. Is that judgement passed? Er I don’t know. How terribly grey.