A New Sense of Over

Still in Chennai, and another year to go here before a next major decision will have to be made. A career path has indeed gathered form, not yet a year in count but soon in a whisker. If one had the visual gift of tracing the line up of events retrospectively, in a somewhat edifying posture, I’d like to allude it to a divine constellation.


In a very new sense of over, He can be now be officially bestowed the epithet, sealed and locked away named as “The One that Got Away”, the same one who inspired this moniker – nubilewordsmith, the same one who kept me in thrall, whom I thought was my soulmate, whom I loved and still love, who tore my heart into shreds over several years until the day I walked away about 2 years ago after sending that email, knowing that staying would be my own emotional destruction. Two roads diverged.

You’re getting married - as I found out by way of your new fiancée whose existence I’d really have been rather content to be ignorant of, until she chose to contact me a fortnight ago. It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did. I chose not to respond, already having to deal with an unwelcome and thoroughly overwhelming sense of clawing grief mingled with jealousy, that made me wish that I was in her shoes. I think despite it all, I still hoped, tears under the bridge .

You did say, you can love more than one person at once. And I truly believe you – an unfortunate truth as it is. I’m sorry I cannot wish you well, that is beyond the stretch of my benevolent capacity. I grieve.

There is someone else in the picture now. Its early days, but its promise brings me undeniable comfort, balm to the sadness that somehow seeped in.