Soul of a Nomad.
I've moved back here again. I've shifted - like what 4 times?
These couple of days have been a bit of a bummer. Family finances and all - it seems like a never ending source of grief, as with my own emotional baggage.
Was trying to work out my own cashflow, in light of a trip up to Vietnam, in December - what I didn't forsee, the tight finances. Meaning, no more $200 allowance from my parents. I've gotta rely on the rest of the income, from giving tuition.
Which also means, no trip to Vietnam, unless I:
1)Win the lottery.
2)Whore myself.
3)Win the Marketing Team Competition,which might give me a $600 leeway.
( In ascending order of likelihood )
I feel overwhelmed - and its not the Vietnam trip. That's the small stuff - I don't sweat the small stuff, its a small sacrifice. I loathe that we're in such a vulnerable position. Here's the sole reason why I'm trying to graduate as fast asap -then I'm empowered. Then, I'll be in a position to take care of the family.
So before I throw a pity party of myself, I'll write and think of my future. Its good motivation.I've refrained from ranting to any of my friends. Some things,are better handled by yourself. Even if it does get a little heavy to bear, sometimes.
Writing helps.
Here goes.
I'm going to adopt a kid.
After, I graduate and kick/lick moneyed butt in the corporate world.
Been thinking about this the entire week, and have come up with a tentative hypothesis that I'm one of the few "not created for romantic relationships". In the same way the Orwell fella says that some are more equal than others, I think that I'm one of those that function/live life better, without the complexities of a romantic relationship. You know the shit where people go, " I don't need relationships", I don't even think I can go there.
Nothing's cast in stone, its still tentative.
So marriage would be quite out of the question. Yes, I could probably go round in search of willing partners to help in my dream of procreation ( I like the process by the way ) - but I don't think I'll have the kid myself.2 reasons.firstly, if I do, I'll have to allow the father parental rights. It simply wouldn't do to deprive him of seeing his kid, skirmishes are bound to come up from close associations. Worse still, if I feel even more than affection for the father - then things get messy. Secondly, why bring another child into this world, when so many out there need willing and able parents?
Surface-wise, I'm not Mary-Poppin material - a certain few, have called me hard.
But you know what, despite my apparent clumsiness in that arena, I would love to be able to care for a child that needs a parent.
These couple of days have been a bit of a bummer. Family finances and all - it seems like a never ending source of grief, as with my own emotional baggage.
Was trying to work out my own cashflow, in light of a trip up to Vietnam, in December - what I didn't forsee, the tight finances. Meaning, no more $200 allowance from my parents. I've gotta rely on the rest of the income, from giving tuition.
Which also means, no trip to Vietnam, unless I:
1)Win the lottery.
2)Whore myself.
3)Win the Marketing Team Competition,which might give me a $600 leeway.
( In ascending order of likelihood )
I feel overwhelmed - and its not the Vietnam trip. That's the small stuff - I don't sweat the small stuff, its a small sacrifice. I loathe that we're in such a vulnerable position. Here's the sole reason why I'm trying to graduate as fast asap -then I'm empowered. Then, I'll be in a position to take care of the family.
So before I throw a pity party of myself, I'll write and think of my future. Its good motivation.I've refrained from ranting to any of my friends. Some things,are better handled by yourself. Even if it does get a little heavy to bear, sometimes.
Writing helps.
Here goes.
I'm going to adopt a kid.
After, I graduate and kick/lick moneyed butt in the corporate world.
Been thinking about this the entire week, and have come up with a tentative hypothesis that I'm one of the few "not created for romantic relationships". In the same way the Orwell fella says that some are more equal than others, I think that I'm one of those that function/live life better, without the complexities of a romantic relationship. You know the shit where people go, " I don't need relationships", I don't even think I can go there.
Nothing's cast in stone, its still tentative.
So marriage would be quite out of the question. Yes, I could probably go round in search of willing partners to help in my dream of procreation ( I like the process by the way ) - but I don't think I'll have the kid myself.2 reasons.firstly, if I do, I'll have to allow the father parental rights. It simply wouldn't do to deprive him of seeing his kid, skirmishes are bound to come up from close associations. Worse still, if I feel even more than affection for the father - then things get messy. Secondly, why bring another child into this world, when so many out there need willing and able parents?
Surface-wise, I'm not Mary-Poppin material - a certain few, have called me hard.
But you know what, despite my apparent clumsiness in that arena, I would love to be able to care for a child that needs a parent.
Labels: Real Life
posted by nubilewordsmith at 11:50 PM
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